Mothahhood

life in my hood with 2 teenagers, a toddler and chronic pain

my favorite teens April 27, 2009

Filed under: 2 teenagers and a toddler,animal, vegetable, mineral — mothahhood @ 5:06 pm
Tags: ,

portraits_00081A while ago there was an email going around telling people what they should do to prepare if they were thinking about having kids (things like set the alarm to get up every 2 hours,  etc.) I wrote this as an addendum for people approaching parenthood in the pre or teen years…

find the thing you love most in the world.  paint on
eyes.  turn it so the eyes are facing a computer
screen.  add ears and glue a cell phone to its ears.
add a voice box and make it grunt in response to any
question you ask.  place it in a room and leave it
there for days on end.  bring it out with you on
occasion to eat dinner and then put it back in its
room.
drive the thing around to many places you dont want to
go in traffic on friday afternoon.  take it to the
emergency room once every 2 years.  spend 6-8 hours
each time.
decorate a beautiful room for your thing.  buy
expensive clothes at places like abercrombie.  throw
those clothes all over the thing’s room. leave them
there.
buy a gamecube, a ps2, and several games for those
systems.  place your thing (with computer and cell
phone) in front of those game systems. go out to run
errands and come back 5 hours later.  your thing will
still be in front of those games.
buy a potbellied pig.  put it in front of your
refrigerator. open your refrigerator.  when it has
eaten everything go to the grocery store for the
fourth time that week. spend $400 at trader joe’s and
have the people behind you in line ask if you have a
teenager at home.
beg the thing to hang out with you.  don’t expect a
response though cuz after all it’s only a thing.
tell your thing to take a shower and clean its room.
again, don’t expect much because after all it’s only a
thing.
buy a horse (doesn’t have to be very large). eat
horseshit.
give your thing a big giant bear hug and don’t let go,
cuz after all it is the thing you love most in the
world.

nufced

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3 Responses to “my favorite teens”

  1. Daddy-O Says:

    well said, nufced.

  2. EMCMC Says:

    WOW! You should have been a writer!

  3. ur teenager Says:

    hahah i luvv it ❤ and i luvv u! funny stuff u got here…


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