I had a plan. I had a whole week’s worth of posts about bitches. So much for plans. I have had doctor appointments every day this week up until today. The first one was on Monday with a the director of digestive medicine at one of our BIG local university hospitals. He shall remain nameless. What a waste of time. Rather than explain, I shall post a letter I wrote to him the next day. It pretty much explains the outcome of that appointment. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent with my wonderful chiropractor who beats me to a pulp, but could possibly be the only person out there that is actually helping me. Only thing is that after she works on me I feel pretty lousy for the next 24 hours. So I have not written this week since Monday’s post because, quite frankly, I have been exhausted and just plain old not feeling like writing. Oh, and the wonderful doctor put me on yet another pill which had me feeling like I had just drunk a six-pack all day yesterday. No more of that for me. One bright light in all of this is that I have found a new doctor that I am seeing next week, a doctor who has a background in western medicine, but has studied eastern and Native American healing practices and takes an integrated and holistic approach to healing. I am hopeful that she will be a turn in the road for me.
Following is the letter that I wrote.
I came to you Monday against my better judgment at my husband’s insistence because you are supposed to be the best. I have been to countless doctors, and went with the slim hope that, in you, I would find someone different, someone who would listen, really hear me and help me to put my trust in you. That outcome did not occur.
What I got instead was a bright eyed intern with no experience, to take notes on my story, not history, mind you, but story, one of for my family as well as for me for 2 1/2 years. She then, through her own filter, told you details of that story. Based on that you made several diagnoses. While you insist that you “got” my story, that is, frankly, impossible and for you to insist, is arrogant. More importantly, when I agreed to the appointment, I expected to see you, renowned “Director, Digestive Disease Center,” not a student. I am NOT a textbook to be studied by a student. For that, I am angry that I wasted my valuable time and money.
To begin, you stated that my surgery 2 years ago, was likely unnecessary. What possible good could come out of you telling me that at this point? To further decrease my trust in doctors, in whose hands I put my trust and very life? To tell me that I needn’t have suffered these past years? Furthermore, based on what evidence can you even make this claim? You have not seen any of the tests used to make my diagnosis. You did not see or examine me at the time. You do not know that the pain with eating did, indeed, disappear and despite the fact that I was left with ongoing pain, it was of a different sort, perhaps, even likely, caused by the surgery itself, the very surgery that may indeed have been needed. There is countless documentation that surgeries lead to adhesions which can cause many complications including pain, as well as other problems such as damaged nerves.
I had no choice but to resort to as my doctors all told me they had no idea of the cause of my new ongoing pain. Not one of my doctors EVER mentioned adhesions. The pain that I have suffered for 2 years, the squeezing, wrapping, contracting, burning pain, which was only relieved by narcotics and neurontin could be caused by what then? The pain that only began after my surgery, the pain that was and is like nothing I have ever felt before.
Perhaps now, at this point, your diagnosis is correct that the medications have made things far worse for me, but that does not change the pain that had been with me since the surgery, the pain that had nothing to do with the original , the very reason for taking medication in the first place.
You, like many others, sent me off with your certain diagnosis, a slip of paper for more drugs, and taught your intern that that is the way to practice medicine. Why should I trust or believe you any more than all the others? You offered to me no support in the way of finding a doctor to help me with the next step, despite the fact that you say you have had other patients in the same position. You have left me, feeling vulnerable, to again, on my own, navigate the world of doctors out there to try to find one to assist me with the withdrawal. I have been doing this for 2 1/2 years. Doctors seem to give you their opinion and then send you on your way. It is shameful.
When I tried to call you to follow up with further questions, you were short and dismissive. You certainly have done nothing to build patient/doctor trust to allow me to feel that taking the step of withdrawing from my medicine is the right thing despite the obvious anxiety that any patient would feel given this information. You were quick to inform me that you are not my psychiatrist. That is for certain. I would never consider going to a psychiatrist with such a dismissive manner as your own.
Despite my negative feelings for you, I am willing to and planning to take your advice to at least see where I am without the medications, as my own research has confirmed some of what you have told me and because I am desperate to have my life back to be a mother to my 3 children. By the way, you did not even acknowledge my 3 1/2 year old sitting so patiently in the room with us.
Be advised, however that I have already made appointments with 2 other doctors and that your services will no longer be needed by me. I hope the young lady that you taught that day has other, more compassionate doctors to study under and she learns more from them than from you.
I do not expect a response to his, because honestly, I’d be surprised if you even read this far. I’m sure you never hear this from patients because they are taught to believe that doctors are gods, however, you are human, and fallible. I do, once again, feel like the medical system is failing its patients, certainly this one. With each doctor visit, my already low trust is further reinforced.
With deep disappointment,